Falling Like Stars
by Princess Tyler Briefs
Summary: Sometimes, you must give up what is most precious in order to save it. AU-Sequel to ‘All The Broken Pieces’. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Am I actually doing this? …Yes. Yes I am.

This crosses the AU line in a way that 'Pieces' never did. I deliberately wrote Pieces so it sat in the middle arc as a thing that _**could**_ have happened when you weren't looking. This was planned many many chapters back in the manga, about the time of Asuma's death, and the plot has not changed since and must, as a result, be AU.

Which is fine, I suppose. I'm still going to aim for a sort of 'it could have gone that way' feeling.

The title comes from song that sort of spurred me to get back in to this: "The Riddle" from The Scarlet Pimpernel (Broadway Musical).

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own these guys, despite some claims to the contrary.

**Warnings:** Slash, and lots of it, but—as usual—that isn't the focus of this story. Maybe some NaruHina or TsunaJira if I can squeeze it in. Don't hold your breath, though.

**Summary:** Sometimes, you must give up what is most precious in order to save it. AU-Sequel to 'All The Broken Pieces'.

_**Falling Like Stars  
By: Reggie**_

_Chapter 1_

Iruka's hand wasn't trembling as he pushed open Tsunade's door, and he thought it was strange that he even noticed the lack of it. There was no logical reason he should be nervous about going and seeing the Hokage. Maybe they weren't as close as Iruka had been to Sandaime, but she had always been decently nice to him.

The only reason he could see that the oddness of the LACK of trembling had crossed his mind was this horrible sense of foreboding he hadn't been able to shake all week. There was no explanation for it, the people he cared the most about were all safely in the village, but still…

Tsunade glanced up at him, her eyes wooden and somehow cold. He'd never missed Sandaime's warm eyes more than that moment. "Have a seat, Iruka-sensei."

He did as instructed, dropping silently into the hard-backed chair on the other side of the paperwork laden desk. "You wanted to see me, Hokage-sama?"

The papers rustled slightly as Godaime leaned forward on her elbows. "You aren't going to like what I have to tell you."

Iruka's eyes blinked at her stupidly without his permission. This didn't bode well. But he couldn't think of what it was she might say to him that he wouldn't like. Naruto was back from his training, stronger than ever, and safe here. Kakashi was safe here, and Sakura. No one he knew had even been out on a mission in the last week or so.

Tsunade leaned back in her chair, squaring her shoulders and frowning at him. "I have a mission for you, Iruka."

"Me?" It was a childish thing to say, but he couldn't help the surprise. Chuunin sensei did not get missions handed down to them directly from the Hokage. They just didn't. And, yes, he'd been on more A-ranked missions than other chuunin his age but a surprising number of those had been as a genin, and Kakashi had begged him not to advance his rank to avoid missions that came down direct from the Hokage.

Tsunade knew this last part, of course. She knew much more than he let anyone know, and this was probably the reason she chose to ignore his innocent sounding surprise. Instead she stood and started pacing. Do you know what day is fast approaching, Iruka-sensei?"

The chuunin suppressed a snort. Friday, the end of the month, Christmas—all of those would have been equally as appropriate answers to that question as whatever Godaime was fishing for. "No, Hokage-sama."

"How long has it been since Sasuke left?"

All of Iruka's insides twisted unpleasantly and froze there. He could even feel all the blood draining from his face, racing to his toes. "It's been nearly three years…"

Tsunade nodded, walking back from the window to her desk. "I don't need to tell you what this means, do I, Iruka-sensei?"

"No, Hokage-sama," his voice was barely more than a half-whisper. He knew only too well that Orochimaru could take a new body only every three years. _Sasuke…_

"It says here," Tsunade sat down and picked up a specific, surprisingly thin, folder that was sitting at the top of the pile, "that you, Anko, and Hayate had a way to find Orochimaru, if the need was dire."

Iruka visibly startled, and his eyes flashed defensively. "We offered, before, to help Sandaime find him. We weren't keeping it a secret. He just turned us down every time we offered."

"There were others on the job at the time," Tsunade conceded, her voice neutral. "But those resources have since been diverted to keeping track of the movements of Akatsuki. Until now, they have been the biggest threat to our village. However, if Orochimaru gets his hands on a body with the Sharingan…"

It was a scenario Iruka had gone over in his head a thousand times since the chuunin exams, when Sandaime had called him in to watch Sasuke's fight and see if the seal was at all similar to what Orochimaru had been working on before he left—if he had any ideas what they could do about it. He would come after Konoha, and with that power there would be no one that could stop him.

Iruka swallowed thickly against the sudden dryness of his throat, and he had to take a deep breath before he could speak again. "What is it you need me to do, Hokage-sama?"

"The impossible." She smiled, but it looked oddly out of place on her face in that moment. The smile of the dead. "Orochimaru needs to be stopped, and Sasuke either brought back or killed, before the transformation can take place. I've looked at every possible solution. Sandaime believed that what about to suggest was the most likely solution, to be used only in the worst case scenario. I agree with him."

A fragmented flash of memory, of this same office what seemed a life time ago. Sarutobi's kind voice, so sad with worry. _'If the worst happens, and Sasuke chooses to join Orochimaru, what do you think we should do, Iruka?'_

"You are the one most likely to complete this mission successfully, Iruka-sensei." Tsunade was looking at him over the steeple tips of her fingers, gauging his reaction.

Iruka blanched, suppressing something that was half a gasp and half a wave of nausea. "What is this mission, exactly, Hokage-sama?"

Her mouth was a thin line as she lowered her hands. It looked as if someone had placed too much weight on her shoulders, and she couldn't seem to hold even her head up anymore. "Know this, Iruka. No one can know about this as a mission. If anyone asks me, it is your idea and your actions only. I cannot tell them differently, for your safety and ours."

Unofficial missions were always the worst. Kakashi had been on a few, when he'd disappeared for weeks and then been unable to mention where he'd gone. There had been weeks of nightmares after those missions.

But what could he say? Tsunade had already said that whatever she wanted him to was most likely the best solution. That Sarutobi-sama had thought so. He may not yet know their current Hokage very well, but he trusted Sandaime explicitly. If this had been his plan, he could go with it. "What do I need to do, Hokage-sama?"

For the first time, her eyes looked sad. "I need you to defect from the village, convince Orochimaru you are joining him, and do whatever has to be done to stop the body transfer."

There was a beat as what she said sunk into Iruka's mind, during which he stared at her dumbly. He snapped his jaw shut audible. "What?"

Tsunade shuffled her papers again, waiting for…what, exactly, he didn't know.

There had to be a level the Hokage could not ask you to go, and this HAD to be it. Leave his home, his students, his…everything…here? To what? To try and take on Orochimaru ALONE? Was this woman mad?

He closed his eyes and forced down his immediate panic to really think about what she wanted. She was asking him to convince Orochimaru that he was going to join him. Iruka had never, in his childhood, outright defied Orochimaru in the way that Anko had—that Hayate had when he'd gone to get Anko back.

All three of them had received spookily anonymous notes with detailed instructions on how to find their former sensei if they ever chose, but Iruka was the only one that might even seem plausible.

And it had to be him for the note to work. It required his blood.

And the point wasn't even so much to defeat Orochimaru. If he got Sasuke away from the man, he would still be powerful, but it was a level of power they could deal with. Iruka held no illusions about his ability to kill the little boy who would so often stay late at the academy simply because he had nowhere else he needed to be. It would be unlikely, for a combination of reasons, that he could kill the boy.

But maybe he could make Sasuke understand that Iruka had seen this path, walked it himself, and knew where it would end. He had always been good at negotiating; it was one of his strongest points.

This was a desperate attempt, but a logical one. It maximized the results if successful, minimized the ninja risked to only himself, and still left opportunity for another strike if he failed.

And yet…"I can't tell Naruto, or Kakashi, or anyone?"

Tsunade closed her eyes and gave the tiniest shake of her head. "The more people that know, the greater chance of it being leaked, however unintentionally. For your safety, we must make your departure as real as possible. You are well aware of the consequences if Orochimaru should discover your ruse."

Iruka couldn't help but shudder. Death would be the best he could hope for then. "You'll be sending ANBU after me then?"

"Someone on the squad will know that this is a mission, though no details beyond that, to best assure your safety. However, he or she cannot prevent the others from stopping you, so I suggest you lose them as quickly as possible." Godaime opened her eyes again, folding her arms below her chest. "I trust you'll be able to think of something."

He sure hoped so, although dying at the hands of his comrades certainly had some appeal over what would lie ahead of him. "Can I request Genma be the one in on the ruse, Hokage-sama? He and Kakashi have a good relationship. Kakashi will believe whatever it is Genma tells him, without the same need for proof he would demand of anyone else."

Tsunade nodded, seeming to take this advice in to account.

The thought of leaving Kakashi behind like this nearly made Iruka choke on his own bile. They had been together almost eighteen months now, and knowing that he would be one more ghost for Kakashi to visit, if he even would after…it made his insides ache in a way they had not since he'd lost his parents. It was possible, probable, that once he left the village he would never see Kakashi again.

Iruka's hands were shaking now.

How could he leave them all behind? Now, when he finally had someone to hold on to? When Naruto had just gotten back? They were his family, everything to him! Kakashi didn't deserve this kind of pain in his life, after having lost so much. And Naruto…who would feed him now? Who would make sure to fix his hot water when someone sabotaged it, or make sure the boy had enough blankets? There was almost no one else in the village who would think, who would care, about the boy. How could he hurt them so badly, betray them?

And yet, to protect them, how could he not? He really was the best shot for success. "I will accept the mission, Hokage-sama."

Her smile looked painful now, and there was something angry in her eyes that Iruka could not quite explain. "I knew you would."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I'm glad that everyone liked chapter one so much. Chapter two is another one I've had planned since the beginning. I hope it works out well.

If you haven't read 'Pieces' and all the shorts in its arc, you're going to be confused by some of the references here.

If you want to read them, the correct order is:

All the Broken Pieces  
1:47 in the Morning  
Holding Fast  
Snow Day  
Strength  
Can, Can't, and Won't  
Falling Like Stars

_**Falling Like Stars  
By: Reggie**_

_Chapter 2_

Iruka opened the door to the apartment he shared with Kakashi, dropping his now much heavier bag by the door and kicking off his shoes. He only had a little while to prepare dinner. Having a nice sit down dinner once a month was something they always did, if they could manage it between missions. This one had been planned for weeks, and it was the perfect opportunity for Iruka to set his skeleton of a plan into motion.

He reached into the side pocket of his pack and removed a little vial of white powder. It was tranquilizer that had been developed to give to ANBU after particularly difficult missions. It was odorless, tasteless, dissolved completely in water, and could not be detected by any conventional means. Best of all, it would knock a shinobi out cold for forty-eight hours in a deep, dreamless sleep. Tsunade had said she could only give him a head start as long as no one reported him missing. It was Friday, and if Kakashi wasn't awake to notice Iruka was gone, it would give him until at least Monday. Any advantage Iruka would have on those chasing him, he was going to take.

It would be so much easier to say good-bye this way.

He put the little vial in his pocket, and pulled out the scroll Tsunade had given him. Iruka's hand drifted down towards his stomach, clenching in his vest over the seal Kakashi had put there that sealed them together closer than two people should be. As long as that seal was in place, Kakashi would know Iruka was alive and Iruka's plan hinged on the idea that he could fake his death.

The ANBU would stop hunting him, and those he loved would think him only a coward—but no traitor. True, it meant he could never come back, but the chances of him surviving were nonexistent anyway, so what did that matter?

The scroll would help him first block the seal, separating their chakra systems once again, and then breaking it. This would probably be done the easiest if Kakashi was unconscious for the process, so he put the scroll on the bookshelf, where it would go unnoticed for now, before moving to the kitchen.

Dinner would have to be simple; he didn't have enough time or skill for anything else. It didn't matter, Kakashi was always glad of it. He claimed he was always happy whenever he could return to the apartment they shared after a day of training with his brats and Sai, who did not count.

Iruka looked through their refrigerator—it had been a while since either of them had the time to go shopping—to see what he knew how to make with what they had. It came down to _oyako donburi_, the simple chicken, vegetable, and egg dish. Iruka smiled, a little sadly, as he began assembling ingredients on the counter. It seemed fitting that his last meal in Konoha was the same one his mother had made the night of the kyuubi attack.

He had just finished simmering the vegetables and was about to add the egg when Kakashi came in the door. His lover grinned, pulling down his mask while also removing his shoes. "I'm home."

Iruka looked over his shoulder, trying to keep his voice and hands steady. He had to act normal, while still trying to treasure every instant of this last time together. The chuunin swallowed thickly, trying to force the thought to the back of his mind. "Welcome back."

Kakashi moved through the apartment swiftly, coming in to the small kitchen to wrap his arms around Iruka's waist and peer over his lover's shoulder. "Looks good."

"I hope it is." Iruka didn't turn to look at him, sure that if he looked Kakashi in the eye that he would be unable to keep his composure. Shinobi spent years learning how to resist interrogation techniques from the enemy. No one taught you how to resist the person you loved best.

The Jounin kissed his lover's temple, never once removing his arms. "You seem distracted."

The lie came so easily it ached. "I had my yearly psych evaluation with Tsunade today."

Kakashi simply nodded. All shinobi were required to have yearly evaluations, although not all of them from Tsunade. Both he and Kakashi were some of the few with pasts awful enough that Tsunade felt it important to keep up with them personally, and it was always a taxing experience.

"I can finish up, if you'd like."

"No, it's alright. I'm enjoying it, and it's almost finished. Why don't you go set the table?"

There was no argument from the Copy-nin, and Iruka felt ready to throw up because of it. Kakashi trusted him so much, loved him this much. And there was nothing Iruka could do to spare him pain that would not go against Tsunade's direct orders, or endanger the village they both loved and had sworn to protect.

Iruka ruefully wondered what Kakashi's life philosophy of protecting his comrades over the success of a mission would say about this situation. No one that was left behind was going to die from this effort, but what of the emotional pain that was sure to follow?

His hand was trembling so badly as he dumped the tranquilizer into Kakashi's drink that he nearly spilled both all over the counter and it was only through mustering up all his courage that Iruka managed to succeed in his task. He had lost a little of the powder, but it should not be enough to change the effect.

"Naruto is being stubborn, as usual," Kakashi called from the table. He sounded both irritated and fondly amused. "He seems to have gotten it in his head that if the Akatsuki come for him, he's going to have to stop them single handedly. The worst part is, he almost would be able to do it."

Iruka chuckled, but even to him it sounded sad. He wished he could be there, to prove to Naruto that he didn't have to do such things alone. If things had been different, maybe he could have.

Kakashi was at his side instantly. "Are you sure you're alright? You seem like you're not all here."

It was impossible for Iruka not to look up as gloved hands slid over his own. His eyes latched on to Kakashi's own. _This all started with looking in his eyes._ Iruka swallowed hard against the feeling of longing and the nausea that accompanied it. He couldn't stop his hands from trembling, and it was a good thing Kakashi was there to catch the glasses before they fell. Iruka looked down, half-choking on a sob.

Kakashi set the glasses down before pulling the Chuunin into a tight hug. "You're not alright."

"No," and he wasn't going to be, because he knew what lay ahead, and Kakashi didn't, and that thought alone was tearing him to pieces.

"Go sit down. I'll finish up here." Kakashi nuzzled the top of Iruka's head—didn't he know that he was slowly killing him?—before releasing the smaller man to do as instructed. "It's only a matter of adding egg anyway."

Iruka grabbed the glasses, not sure how he maintained the hold when he knew one of them was meant to help separate them forever, and put them both down in their places. The red cup containing the tranquilizer was almost screaming that he was a traitor, and if he'd felt braver he might have dumped it out and forgotten the whole idea.

But he wasn't brave. He was terrified of everything that was coming. Orochimaru had been terrifying enough when he was a child, but now that he was an adult? What might he be ordered to do? Who would he have to kill, maim, destroy, or…

Iruka dry-heaved a little, but managed to turn it into a cough.

It didn't take more than a few minutes for Kakashi to finish up, and he placed the well ordered dish on the table with a look of concern in Iruka's direction. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I can't. It's confidential." He wanted to make Kakashi understand that everything he was doing was not his choice. Hint to him that no matter what happened it was going to be okay, Kakashi was going to be okay.

Whatever hell Iruka had to enter, he knew that thought that Kakashi was okay, and safe, and here in Konoha would keep him going. Because Kakashi's being okay depended on him doing so.

The Jounin made a vague noise of understanding, but said nothing else as he slipped on hand under Iruka's that had previously been resting on the Chuunin's lap. They ate in silence, but Iruka carefully monitored each sip. He knew how much water Kakashi regularly drank and meals, and had been careful to give him just a little less than usual to ensure he drank it all. He felt disgusting, like an assassin, watching each swallow so closely.

Kakashi caught him as he was finishing the last gulp, and couldn't help twisting his naked mouth into a grin. "See something you like, sensei?"

It was perhaps a little impulsive, but as Iruka seized the sides of Kakashi's vest and pulled him forward for a mouth-bruising kiss, Iruka found he did not care. He did not care that he'd promised himself that he would leave without so much as a hint, because anything he said might only hurt Kakashi more. He needed this. He needed to have the taste of his lover burnt onto his mouth, and the feel of Kakashi's arms around him to keep him safe. He needed this memory more than ever.

Iruka pulled away, Kakashi still a little too stunned from the sudden attack to respond. Iruka wondered if it didn't feel familiar, like their first kiss. His first kiss good-bye to the Jounin. Iruka had been sure then, as he was now, that he was going to die, and it was so blissfully ironic that not kissing Kakashi had once again been something he knew he would regret. "I love you, Kakashi. You know that, right? No matter what happens, I love you."

"I love you too," the Jounin said, sounding still a little lost, but not lost enough not to sneak two hands up Iruka's shirt and lean in closer. "It's not even a question for me. You really can't tell me what's bothering you so much?"

Iruka shook his head, eyes sliding half closed at the longed for touch. Kakashi would be falling asleep soon, and if he was going to be there for two days he should at least be somewhere comfortable. Iruka stood and started leading the Copy-ninja by the wrists to their bed. He followed like an eager puppy. "If I could, I would."

He leaned forward and seized Kakashi's mouth again, pulling him forward and both of them backwards. Kakashi landed sprawled on top of him, hands on either side to keep him from crushing the Chuunin entirely. Only after a moment of lying there did he pull away. "Can I help you anyway?"

"You are." Iruka couldn't stop the sad smile, or the gentle caressing of his lover's face. He kept staring, trying to tattoo that caring smile onto his brain. This is what it was all for. This is what made it worth it. He rolled them over gently until he was straddling the Jounin's hips, before Iruka leaned down and kissed ever inch of that face, memorizing it with his mouth. Kakashi didn't struggle, content to let Iruka take the lead. Iruka doubted Kakashi even noticed when he began to fall asleep, but the Chuunin was sure the feeling of Iruka's lips on Kakashi's was the last thing the Copy-nin felt before he drifted off completely.

Once he was sure Kakashi was sleep, Iruka reached up to untie the forehead protector over the sharingan. He bit his bottom lip, but that did not stop the slow tears at all so he gave up. "I'm sorry, Kakashi. I wish you could understand. But please, whatever they try and make you believe about me…don't. Remember me, remember us, as we have been, and don't let them take that from you."

It was odd how Iruka's tears landing on his face made Kakashi seem to be crying too, and the Chuunin choked back a sobbing laugh. The forehead protector was laid aside on the bedside table while Iruka stood to prepare.

It would probably be best if he appeared as strong as he actually was to Orochimaru. Pretending he was only a Chuunin with Chuunin level abilities would make him appear useless. Claiming to be ANBU level without a tattoo or any proof would lead to testing Iruka did not have the courage to face.

Kakashi kept his ANBU armor in a box in the top of the closet. Iruka pretended not to know what it was, usually, even though it wasn't really a secret. Now he stood up and pulled the box down. Hopefully, a few days on his body and running through the forest would remove Kakashi's sent from the clothing. There was little Iruka could do about the tattoo, he didn't know the jutsu to create it and didn't have the equipment to make one, but maybe something would come to him later.

Iruka then moved to grab one of his forehead protectors to leave behind when he faked his death, for the ANBU to take back to Tsunade. His fingers fell on one wrapped in black cloth, that had Kakashi's smell on it no matter how many times Iruka had worn it. It was the one Kakashi's father had given him that the Jounin had in turn given to Iruka.

It was meant as a reminder that he could be strong.

Iruka pulled the cloth up to his mouth, breathing in the scent. This would be the most convincing piece of evidence for Kakashi, as Iruka wore it nearly everywhere, but he couldn't stand the thought of leaving it behind. The armor he was taking to convince Orochimaru and it would probably be swiftly disposed of. The thought of not having anything tangible to hold close to remind him of Kakashi when everything was just too much cracked the Chuunin's resolve. He put that forehead protector with armor, to keep hidden and safe as his reminder of home.

Another forehead protector was selected to be the one brought back, and all of these things were sealed inside a scroll to make the easier for him to carry. The despised card, with the ornate summoning seal, that would lead him to Orochimaru was removed from its hiding place in a hidden panel in one of Iruka's little used books and sealed away as well.

All that was left was to break the seal between himself and Kakashi, but Iruka swiftly found his resolve on that draining too. He was going to need any strength Kakashi could give him if he was going to survive long enough to get to Sasuke. But the potential damage to Kakashi once Iruka died was also great.

Frowning at the scroll, Iruka made a decision and swiftly acted upon it. He blocked the seal, but it could be broken if he needed it to be, before storing the scroll also. Iruka had always been abnormally good at reading his sensei's moods, and if things started looking like they were heading south, he would break the seal then.

Picking up the sealing scroll from the floor, Iruka put it into his vest before walking over and giving Kakashi one last farewell kiss. "Say good-bye to Naruto for me, and try to help him understand, if you can."

With nothing left to pack, and nothing else that could be said to his sleeping lover, Iruka opened the window and disappeared into the night.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **I'm glad that the responses for this story have been so positive, in spite of the difficulty of the content. I know that it's only going to get worse from here before it gets better, and that makes me a little hesitant to write. Your encouraging comments, however, get me through. Thank you.

This chapter feels more fragmented to me, and I like it much less, but describing all the running around would have been boring so…

PS- I have a soundtrack for this story, and I'm going to share one or two songs that I think go with the chapter for those interested. This time it's "When You're Gone" by Avril Lavigne and "The Riddle" from The Scarlet Pimpernel Encore! Soundtrack.

_**Falling Like Starts  
By: Reggie**_

_Chapter 3_

Even though he was not quite awake, Kakashi knew something was horribly wrong. Maybe it was the fact that he wasn't snapping instantly into an alert mind set, as he usually did, but instead felt like his brain was surfacing after being submerged in corn syrup. It was very slow going.

He remembered working with the brats all day, and having to coerce Naruto into going home with the promise of "as much ramen as the boy could eat tomorrow". He remembered coming home to dinner, and Iruka seeming strikingly distant and sad in way Kakashi could never remember his lover being before. They had gone to bed, and then…nothing. His mind went totally blank.

Kakashi wasn't going to rule out the possibility of sex so mind blowing it had torn a hole in his memory, but he sincerely doubted it.

A loud banging on the door made the Copy-ninja's head throb painfully, and Naruto's bellowing that accompanied it did nothing to help. "Kakashi-sensei! Are you in there?"

"Idiot!" Sakura's accompanying yell was, if anything, worse. "He could be ill or something!"

He sat up slowly, feeling a little dizzy and confused. What were the two of them doing here? How did they know where he lived? "We have company, Iruka-kun."

There was no answering smack with a pillow in protest to the nickname. Kakashi frowned and looked at the other side of the bed, even as he reached for his forehead protector off the bedside table. Iruka wasn't there. In fact, it looked like his side of the bed hadn't been slept in at all. But it was Saturday, and the Chuunin should have been there enjoying his morning of sleeping in.

The feeling of wrongness that had awoken the Copy-nin only increased as he pulled up his mask and headed toward the door, where the kids were still yelling in voices in much too loud for a weekend morning. It was a wonder the neighbors were not complaining yet. He opened the door and leaned wearily against the door frame. "What do you two want?"

They looked at him, quite surprised to see him. Naruto recovered first, and crossed his arms over his chest in a perfect imitation of Iruka's don't-mess-with-the-sensei pose. "You're losing your memory in your old age, Kakashi-sensei. You forget about practice on Saturday! And my ramen!"

Sakura elbowed her teammate, hard, before looking up at her instructor with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance. "Are you sick or something, sensei?"

Kakashi could only stare at them both with complete bewilderment. He was completely positive that when he'd come home last it had been Friday. It therefore naturally followed that the next time he got up should have been Saturday. But apparently it wasn't, because as clueless as his students could be sometimes even they didn't think more days had passed then really did. "What…what day is it?"

"Monday," Sakura answered, her features easing into concern, and Naruto suddenly quieted by her side. "Tsunade-sama said no one had seen you in a couple days when we went to ask about you, since you didn't show up on Saturday and were already later than usual today. She wanted us to make sure you weren't dead, or something."

Well, that at least explained how they knew where he and Iruka lived. And why Iruka wasn't there, although not why Iruka had let him sleep for two and a half days straight! Normally, Iruka would wake him if he over slept, or else send a note to Tsunade to explain to his team why he couldn't get up. The feeling of something being just off hadn't left him either, and it was almost as unsettling as the realization that he was missing two days from his life. "Must have been more tired than I thought."

"That's because you're getting old," Naruto was grinning at him, but he seemed less enthusiastic in his teasing than normal.

"Would you like us to wait out here while you get ready, sensei?" Sakura asked.

Kakashi simply nodded and shut the door; his own inner-Iruka lecturing him about how rude was even as he did so. He changed close quickly, suddenly eager to go and find the real Iruka so he could explain why he'd left Kakashi to sleep as long as he had. Something…something just wasn't adding up.

He stepped out to meet the two teenagers, and they didn't question as he lead the way not to the practice field but toward the academy. Naruto kept shooting Kakashi confused looks—Kakashi was sure the boy had ignored every hint of a relationship between Iruka and the Jounin the boy might have seen, in the same way most people avoided recognize the fact that their parents were in a relationship—but Sakura seemed to understand and was studiously looking elsewhere.

When they got to the Academy, Kakashi was surprised to see Kurenai just stepping out, and she looked just as taken aback to see him standing there. After a moment, she offered a faltering smile. "Come to pick up the quizzes Iruka left for the kids, Kakashi?"

"Left?" Kakashi felt his stomach sink, but where it ended up he couldn't tell. "He's not here?"

"Why were we coming to see Iruka-sensei?" Naruto demanded, but Sakura shushed him.

Now Kurenai looked very perplexed and she pursed her lips in a frown. "No. There was a note here this morning saying that he was home ill. I assumed you left it for him when they called me in to substitute."

"Why would…" Naruto was cut off this time by Kakashi shooting the blond a glare. He didn't have time to answer any questions Naruto was just now having time to ask.

"You're certain he's not here?" It was a stupid question, and Kurenai's look was sure to remind him of it, but Kakashi couldn't help it. If Iruka wasn't at home and he wasn't at the Academy then where was he? Putting very little thought into the action, the Jounin summoned Pakkun. He wasn't the best tracker, but he was the only one of the ninken who had spent a lot of time with Iruka, and that made him perfect for what Kakashi needed.

The little dog appeared, scratching his ear. "I'm guessing you need something found. What did you lose this time?"

"There was a note here saying Iruka was home sick, but Iruka isn't home." Kakashi explained quickly, not sure why his hands were starting to shake slightly. "I need to figure out where he is."

"How do you know he's not home?" No amount of glaring was going to stop Naruto this time. "We haven't been to check yet!"

"Because," Sakura hissed, "they live together, stupid."

Iruka was going to kill Kakashi when he found out he was only now getting around to explaining to Naruto about their relationship now. Or, rather, that Kakashi would both explain and be killed once they found out where Iruka had gone.

"Let me know what you find." Kurenai looked so wistfully sad as she said that, and Kakashi couldn't help wondering what she was thinking about.

Instead of asking, he just nodded and followed Pakkun as the little dog started back in the direction of the apartment.

"Since when have Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei been living together?" Naruto demanded from behind him, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Kakashi could hear him perfectly.

"Since before you got back," Sakura explained. "They've been together since just after you left, didn't you know that?"

There was a yelp and a crash behind him, but Kakashi didn't turn to look. Naruto was more than capable of catching up with Pakkun setting the pace, and indeed it didn't take long until the blond was right behind him, yelling one more. "WHAT? What do you mean together?"

Sakura heaved a very put upon sigh, and Kakashi could feel her eyes digging into the back of his head, trying to make him answer. Once it was clear he had no intention of doing so, she sighed again. "They're dating. You must have noticed? They're almost always together when we don't have missions or training."

"I…I haven't seen Iruka-sensei much…" Naruto muttered, sounding rather subdued. "Why didn't he tell me?"

"He was afraid you wouldn't approve of me," Kakashi answered on behalf of his absent lover. "He seems to be of the opinion that you don't like me very much."

Naruto sputtered but didn't deny it, the Jounin noted wryly.

"Found the trail," Pakkun growled, after only a few moments in front of their apartment. "It starts out the back window, and then he circled around up here."

Kakashi frowned thoughtfully. Why go to all that trouble? Besides, using windows was usually Kakashi's thing. Iruka usually preferred doors. "Follow it."

Pakkun muttered, something about not knowing the word please, but did as ordered. Iruka had taken winding path, darting frequently into seemingly random places. It dawned on Kakashi as the ran up one side of an alley, that these were the places with the deepest shadows at night, and for some reason that made him even more uncomfortable. Where was Iruka sneaking to? Why was he sneaking at all?

"He lingered here for a little while," the dog announced as they paused on a rooftop.

"How can you tell?" Sakura asked. Pakkun chose not to answer her.

"Hey," Naruto spoke for the first time since his last question. "You can see my apartment perfectly from here."

This pronouncement did nothing to ease Kakashi's frazzled nerves, and the feeling of dread only increased as the path wound closer and closer to the gate. They were shut at night, but Iruka was far past Jounin level on sneaking and it would be easy enough for him to…

The trio, and Pakkun, stood staring down the empty path leading away from the village for several long moments. Nothing moved but a few stray leaves blown by the breeze.

"Did…Did Iruka-sensei not tell you he was leaving the village?" Sakura looked at him, green eyes suddenly looking very frightened.

Kakashi thought the question was unnecessary, and simply shook his head in response. It didn't make sense. None of this made any sense! Why would Iruka leave the village? He almost never took missions…

A fragment of the last conversation he could remember having with Iruka floated back. _"Do you want to talk about it?" "I can't. It's confidential."_

There had also been something about Tsunade.

The Jounin turned to go, but Naruto was already a step ahead of him, and was running toward Hokage's tower at full speed, paying little attention to how he got there.

"Naruto!" Sakura called after the boy, running as well. "Wait up!"

Kakashi didn't hesitate following, and Pakkun jumped up on his master's shoulder. "You really had no idea?"

"Something was wrong," was the only answer Kakashi could give. "I don't know what, he couldn't say. But he wasn't himself last night…the night I talked to him."

Pakkun did his best to raise one little doggie eyebrow. "When did you talk to him last?"

"Two days ago. And for some reason, I slept though those two days so I didn't know he was missing until now."

"Sounds to me like you were drugged," the pug muttered gruffly, and Kakashi nearly stumbled but caught himself with a slight twist of his weight.

Had he been drugged? Had Iruka made him sleep for two days on purpose? But that made less sense than anything else! What possible reason could the Chuunin have for that? There wasn't an answer that Kakashi could think of, or at least none that he really wanted to think about.

The three of them ran up the stairs, passed the ANBU guards; with nothing more than Sakura's yelled apology to Shizune as Naruto almost knocked the poor girl over.

The teenager burst in Tsunade's office without so much as knocking, startling the older woman out of paperwork. "Tsunade-baachan! What did you do with Iruka-sensei?"

"Naruto," Sakura's reprimand had probably been meant as a yell, but as she was out of breath it was barely more than a shaky whisper.

Kakashi said nothing, but he was sure that his displeasure was radiating through the room. He saw one of the ANBU, who was supposed to be hiding, nervously twitch toward the sword on its back.

Tsunade put down her pen, seemingly glad for the distraction as Shizune came running into the room as well. "I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about."

"You sent him out a mission!" Naruto insisted, pointing an angry finger in her direction. "One he couldn't tell anyone about!"

Tsunade snorted, but Kakashi had expected nothing less. If it really was a confidential mission, she wouldn't be able to say anything either. "I did no such thing."

"Then why did he leave the village?" Sakura's voice was quiet, a little trembling.

"He did what?" Tsunade seemed so genuinely surprised that Kakashi felt his faith in the confidential mission theory slip just a little. There was always a prepared story with unofficial missions. A reason why the person had left, however unbelievable, as an excuse to not send anyone after them.

Naruto gestured wildly to the dog perched on Kakashi's shoulder. "We followed Iruka-sensei's trail all over town, and it lead right out the gate!"

Hazel eyes focused on Kakashi and Pakkun with frightening intensity. "Are you sure?"

"Completely," Pakkun affirmed. Kakashi said nothing. His mind was reeling from all the implications. No story was coming to explain away Iruka's disappearance. Tsunade seemed to not have known about it. This means that Iruka had gone without permission.

But why? Kakashi's mind was screaming, reeling. Iruka had nothing outside the village. No family, no contacts. He'd even professed to a profound homesickness when leaving it. Why would he leave? Why would he _**drug Kakashi**_ and leave? This was all so out of character for the Chuunin. It didn't make sense, any of it! It was like he was in some badly researched genjutsu and Kakashi was half-tempted to try and dispel it just to be sure it wasn't.

Tsunade's eyes had never left his. "Where were you the last two days, Kakashi?"

"I…" he searched desperately for some lie, anything, to make this seem better than it was. He came up blank. "I was sleeping, Hokage-sama."

"Are you ill?" She asked.

"No, Hokage-sama." Lying to a master medical nin about your health was never a good idea.

"Injured? Were you exhausted?"

"I…" There was nothing he could say. She would question Naruto and Sakura next, and they would probably tell her that he'd seemed fine on Friday without realizing what they were saying. "No, Hokage-sama."

"Then how did you sleep through two days?" Tsunade stood now, hands still on her desk.

"I don't know, Hokage-sama." Her gaze was starting to me Kakashi feel a little ill, and he dropped his eyes to the floor. His head was starting to ache again.

"…I want you try that stupid seal for me, Kakashi. Aren't you supposed to be able to feel him with it? It's why you did it."

The Jounin could have kicked himself. Why hadn't he thought of that before? If nothing else, he could be sure that Iruka was alright.

He closed his eye, ignoring the curious gazes of his students and dog, and focused. He felt nothing. He tried harder. Still nothing. He willed a memorized picture of Iruka, carefully banding Kakashi up after a mission while berating him for being stupid, to his mind's eye and focused with all his might. Nothing. Another picture, Iruka sleeping this time, got him nowhere. More pictures, and more nothing, nothing, nothing!

He opened his eye and found Tsunade was staring at him intently. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. He could tell she'd already guessed.

"A scroll," she said slowly, "on breaking seals has gone missing from my library since Friday afternoon. I thought I had simply misplaced it, but now it seems it may be otherwise."

"What?" Naruto sounded so indignantly shocked it was almost comical. "You think Iruka-sensei took it?"

"He was my last appointment on Friday." Tsunade sat down again, and eyed each of the three of them in turn.

"That doesn't prove anything!" Naruto's fists clenched at his side, but his voice lacked the earlier conviction.

"It doesn't help his case either." She looked away from all of them, looking as if she was thinking deeply about something.

Kakashi stepped forward, Pakkun nearly sliding off his shoulder. "I want to be on the squad that goes after him."

"Absolutely not." She was looking at him again, and Kakashi could decide whether to be glad that he'd guessed what she was thinking or not. "We don't know why Iruka-sensei left. For all I know, you two could be plotting something."

"What are you accusing Iruka-sensei of?" Kakashi couldn't find it in him to be insulted on his own behalf.

"Nothing, yet." He hated the way she had said that. "But right now everything about this looks suspicious to me. I will take no risks with my village."

"Liar! Iruka-sensei would never betray the village, Tsunade-baachan!" Naruto's volume had returned, and with it indignant angry tears, though they didn't fall. "Never! He works hard every day to protect it! If you think he would, you don't know him at all!"

Tsunade smiled sadly as Sakura put a reassuring hand on Naruto's shoulder. "There have been bigger surprises in this village's history. I am sending out a squad to track down Iruka-sensei and get some answers. Until then, none of you are to leave the village. That is a direct order, and defiance will result in automatic status as a missing-nin. Am I clear?"

Kakashi tried to protest, but it got stuck with the tightening of his throat. He felt like he couldn't breathe. This was just too unreal.

Naruto must have had a similar problem as only Sakura nodded in response.

"You are all dismissed. Go home and do something. Rest. I'll let you know when we find something."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** This was originally going to be something entirely different, but as I discovered THAT could be more or less summed up in a paragraph that left out all the rather unbelievable details, that's what I'm going to do. With the full approval of my two most precious people, I now bring you more Kakashi torture!

There is a slight change in wording from what Kakashi repeats in 'Can, Can't, and Won't', but as he was paraphrasing and the spirit is the same, I think that I can get away with it.

…Yes, to all those concerned, I do know (more or less) where I am going with this and it WILL have the happiest ending I can manage, I promise!

Songs for this chapter: "How Do I Live" by LeAnn Rimes and "Wishing" by Sugarland.

**Warning: Lots of italics ahead, and the unashamed use of Yondaime's actual name. If you don't want to know…well…I don't know. Don't read it, I guess.**

_**Falling Like Stars  
By: Reggie**_

_Chapter 4_

Two days of going to the gate almost every hour, running into Naruto more than half the time, with Sakura sometimes joining them, did nothing to calm Kakashi's nerves. For that first half a day after seeing Tsunade, Kakashi could convince himself that this was all a big misunderstanding; his lover would come walking back through those gates with a sheepish grin and a perfectly logical explanation as to why he'd had to leave so suddenly. All would be forgiven. It would be alright.

It was harder to believe as he curled up on the couch, unable to face the idea of sleeping in their bed alone. The darkness of the house put a strangle-hold on his hope. There was no rational reason that Kakashi could dream up for the teacher to leave without informing anyone. And everything was so planned, so precise, as to allow him to be missing for several days before anyone discovered he was gone.

He'd left a note at the Academy for Monday morning. He'd drugged Kakashi. There was no denying that's what he'd done, Tsunade had checked herself. There were traces of an ANBU drug in his system that he could not explain away.

It was cold and lonely, and Kakashi found he could not sleep in the silence. It was too loud. He'd continued to visit the gate every hour, and didn't even have the heart to be surprised when Naruto continued to join him.

The second night had not been any better, and Kakashi wasn't sleeping when the Hokage's hawk landed on his windowsill a little after dawn. He didn't bother to read the note attached to its leg, instead opening the window to spring out and make his way to her tower.

Naruto and Sakura were already there, only the pink haired girl looking a little sleepy eyed, along with an ANBU team. There was no sign of Iruka.

A wave of nausea hit Kakashi rather forcefully, but years of training clamped down on it and every other feeling automatically. Facts first, feelings after.

"Thanks for joining us, Kakashi," Tsunade said. It lacked any real scolding tone, and was surprisingly soft. Kakashi could only nod in response. She turned to the ANBU team with a frown on her face. "Report."

One of them stepped forward, and Kakashi was a little surprised to see the uniform back cloak was missing. He could see the long brown hair hanging down to the ANBU's neck, and the tiger mask. Genma. "We followed the trail left by Iruka-sensei for about a day's travel. It did not appear there was any attempt to hide or block the way, so we traveled with caution, in case of an attack. Wolf reported smelling blood, along with the scent of our target. We entered the clearing."

Genma paused long enough to reach into his back weapons pouch, and removed from it a blood stained forehead protector. Kakashi noticed the world tipping violently, but only stumbled a half a step. He was used to running and standing with severe blood loss and chakra drainage. He could stay standing now. His emotions were reigned in even tighter.

Kakashi felt Naruto inhale sharply, blue eyes staring at the forehead protector that were impossibly round.

"There were no enemies in the clearing, or a struggle, but a large amount of blood. Iruka-sensei was lying next to the small creek. He'd been dead for several hours when we arrived. All evidence points to Iruka-sensei having taken his own life by slitting his throat."

It was like someone had incased Kakashi's body in dry ice—a sensation of freezing and burning all at once. He could breath, couldn't think, couldn't feel anything at all. Each movement as Genma put the forehead protector on Tsunade's desk was suddenly going through his brain with a million more details. The way Genma's slightly blood-stained gloves crinkled as the pieces was released, and bounced lightly of Tsunade's desk with an ominous clinking noise were all overwhelmingly clear to his eye.

"We have guessed that Iruka-sensei left the village to spare his loved ones from cleaning up the mess." Genma's voice was flat. Detached. Emotionless. "The body has been appropriately disposed of, as per the rules of those that die outside the village."

Tsunade stared at the forehead protector on her desk, looking rather obviously taken aback. She didn't move her eyes from it as she spoke. "Thank you for your…"

"You're lying!" Naruto's voice cracked a little as he roared the words, shattering the death-like stillness that had descended on those not speaking. "I don't know who you are, but you're wrong! Iruka-sensei would never do that! You're lying! You're lying!"

"Naruto," Sakura's voice sounded small after Naruto's shouts of rage. She raised a hand to his shoulder, a comforting gesture. He brushed her hand away.

"You know he wouldn't!" Naruto pointed an angry finger at Tsunade, not bothering to stop the tears that were falling this time. "Iruka-sensei isn't like that! He's not a coward! He'd NEVER do that!"

Tsunade looked as detached from the situation as Genma had sounded, her thin eyebrows only slightly furrowed. "He tried once before, when he was about your age. After he nearly killed his best friend."

Naruto took a step back, and Kakashi's lungs slammed shut, creating impossible pressure in his chest. Those were not her secrets to tell! How DARE she say it like that, like he'd nearly killed Hayate on purpose, like he'd had a choice about it? Like it hadn't torn Iruka up with guilt every day, had nightmares about it at least once a week. What right did that bitch have to destroy Iruka like that? She'd stood by and let him suffer under Orochimaru! She'd done his psych evaluations herself; she should have seen this coming! And now, now? She was trying to make this all sound like Iruka's fault, make him less in Naruto's eyes. Destroy him completely.

The Jounin was moving before he'd even given it a conscious thought, kunai in hand. He only vaguely registered that he was trying to attack the Hokage of all people, and even that thought was brushed aside. She was insulting Iruka. She had to stop.

A hand on his wrist, impossibly fast, and another around his neck held him in place. He could see Sakura, tears falling silently down her face, staring at him in shock and concern.

"I know how you feel, Kakashi," a voice in his ear whispered, distorted more by a half a sob then the mask. He swallowed as he recognized the voice. Raven. Anko. "I know, but you can't. Don't do anything stupid now."

Naruto collapsed onto his knees, fists clenched on his thighs. "You're lying." He sounded desperate this time. "You're lying. Iruka-sensei's not…he wouldn't…"

Kakashi couldn't breathe again as the ghost of his childhood voice sobbed in his head, hands covered in blood that wasn't his own, those same words about someone equally loved.

"I wish I was," Tsunade looked genuinely sad, completely ignoring Kakashi's attempt to attack her. The Jounin wondered if maybe she didn't understand, just a little, even if he himself did not. A silence fell over them, Naruto's chocked mantra of 'it's a lie' not quite breaking it.

Finally, Tsunade sat up, looking exhausted. "We will have a funeral for Iruka-sensei in two days time. Sakura, I want you to take Naruto home. Make him rest. Watch him."

Sakura, who was no kneeling beside her friend, nodded. "Yes, Tsunade-sama." Naruto didn't even look up, didn't protest that he didn't need a baby sitter.

The Hokage looked at Kakashi. She didn't have to tell him that she was putting him under ANBU watch; he'd been through losing someone enough times to know the drill. He just nodded. Anko released him and he headed out the door. He should comfort his students, he knew that, but everything inside him had vanished. His emotions, his words, they'd all evaporated.

The Copy-ninja didn't make it very far. He was barely half a block back toward their—his—apartment before he had to lean against the wall of a dark alley. The strength to go on was still there, the will was not.

Almost as if to fill the empty space of the predawn, memories surfaced that Kakashi almost never let himself think about.

"_Daddy, look it! Sensei allowed me to pass! I'm a genin now, and all grown up." The barely five-year-old Kakashi beamed up at his father._

_Konoha's White Fang chuckled down at the excited little boy, gently ruffling his hair. "You really think so, Kakashi-kun?"_

"_Yes," the child grinned confidently, revealing a mouthful of baby teeth, before frowning and looking down at his sandaled feet. "The other kids don't think so. They said they don't want me on their team because I'm so little, and not as strong as they are. I told them I could do twice as many jutsu as they could, I showed them too, but they didn't care."_

_A large hand on Kakashi's shoulder, and a deep chuckle as his father knelt down to Kakashi's level. "That is not the way to measure your strength, Kakashi-kun."_

"_But Daddy knows many jutsu, and he's the strongest ninja in the whole village!" Kakashi protested, stamping one small foot._

_Sakumo laughed, and while Kakashi watched with wide eyes, he reached up and started to untie the forehead protector around his head. "You think so, huh? Kakashi, strength is not measured in the number of jutsu you know, or the enemies you kill. Not even your rank or interesting nicknames." His father's large hands reached around, tying the forehead protector around his son's neck. "You have to prove yourself in the little things."_

"_Little things?" Kakashi asked, blinking up at his father._

"_When you do small things to show your love and your devotion to your village, others will see just how strong you are."_

"Stop," Kakashi breathed out, not sure what good it would do. He wasn't even sure who he was asking. "Please stop."

"_No one takes me seriously!" Kakashi was a year older now, but still very much a little boy with all his baby teeth. His eyes were filled with tears and he tore at the forehead protector around his neck. "They all whisper about me, and say I'll betray them like you!"_

_Sakumo was just looking at his son, staring in detached silence as the boy managed to work the knot free. Kakashi threw the forehead protector and it bounced along the library floor to land at his father's feet. "I don't want to be like you at all! I don't want to be your son anymore!"_

Kakashi leaned more heavily against the wall as his knees gave out, and he slid down to the sidewalk. He knew what came next. No matter how often he had willed himself to forget he never could.

He should be able to control his own memories, in the way he usually could everything else, but this was proving impossible. Kakashi was starting to doubt that anything was possible anymore.

"_What's wrong, Kakashi-kun?" Minato-sensei smiled down at him, lowering a hand to ruffle fluffy silver hair. "You've been quiet all of today."_

"_I said some mean things to Daddy this morning," Kakashi muttered, looking away from his sensei, hands stuffed deep into the pockets of his shorts. "I even threw my forehead protector back at him."_

"_Ah, really?" Blue eyes blinked down at him thoughtfully. "I was wondering why you didn't have one today. So, let me guess, you've been trying to figure out how to make it up to him all day?"_

"_Yes," the young boy muttered, still not looking up. "But I have no idea what to do."_

"_Well," his sensei laughed, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "You could always have tempura for dinner." Kakashi made a small noise of disgust and Minato laughed. "I know you don't like it, Kakashi-kun, but it's his favorite, and he'll appreciate your sacrifice. That makes it more special, right?"_

"_I guess." The young boy frowned, but quickly smiled as he looked up to see the gate leading up to his home. "Yes, that's what I'll do!" He ran forward, opening the gate. "Daddy, I'm home!"_

_There was no answering reply, and Kakashi frowned again. "That's odd, Daddy always comes to meet us and ask sensei what we did so he can test me later…" The young genin looked around for any sign of where his father might be. As he got closer, his eyes widened. "Sensei, I smell blood!"_

"_Kakashi, wait!" Minato yelled after him, making a grab for the child and missing. Kakashi all but flew up the front steps, not bothering to kick off his shoes as he slid into the house._

"_Daddy? Daddy where are you?" He ran down the hall, passed the close doors, and slid to a halt outside the library. The door was slightly cracked, and the smell strongest there. Kakashi reached out a hand and slid it open further. "Daddy, I'm home…"_

_The light from the hallway fell in a long strip into the dark room, illuminating the sight before the young boy in harsh white light. His father lay slumped to the side, back towards Kakashi. The young boy took a small step forward, over his forehead protector that was still lying there. "Daddy?"_

_Small hesitating steps took him closer, close enough to see. There was blood spilt in a puddle around his father, staining his clothing and mixing with long silver hair. Kakashi's breath caught in his throat and he fell to his knees. The blood stuck to him as he grabbed his father's arm with trembling hands. "Daddy, are you okay? Get up…please…get up…"_

_His actions caused Sakumo to roll onto his back, empty dark eyes staring at the ceiling. Kakashi could only see the hole in his father's stomach and the blood slicked insides. The little boy froze, the sound of his own heart beating filling up the silence. Footsteps behind him, and strong arms pulling him away. It was as if the touch broke Kakashi from his spell, and the young boy gagged as he vomited into the blood._

"_Kakashi…" Sensei's voice, barely audible over the sound of his own retching._

"_Daddy, get up!" Kakashi choked, fighting down another wave of sickness as he sobbed, hot tears streaming down his face. "Get up!"_

_Minato put a cool hand on Kakashi's forehead, pulling him close to his sensei's chest, while his arm kept Kakashi from falling forward. "Sh, Kakashi-kun. He's gone already, there's nothing."_

"_You're lying!" Kakashi screamed, fighting desperately against the hold. "You're lying! He's not gone, he wouldn't leave me! Daddy!"_

_His sensei simply picked him up, ignoring his screams and struggling, and carried him away._

Why did people always choose to leave him? Did they think he enjoyed being left behind? Didn't they know how much he would give to stay with them?

Even sensei had eventually…

"_Sensei!" Kakashi grabbed the older man's hand as he walked toward the battle field, not caring that he wasn't supposed to call him that anymore. To Kakashi, Yondaime would always be sensei first. "Don't go! Let the rest of us handle Kyuubi. You'll die if you go."_

_Minato smiled, not turning to look at the person holding his wrist. "Without a doubt. That's why I have to go, Kakashi. As Hokage it is my duty to protect this village and my precious people that live here."_

"_But we need you still! You can't go!"_

_Minato smiled sadly. "I'm Yondaime, Kakashi; there is no choice for me. But will you promise me something, Kakashi?"_

_The sixteen-year-old looked up at the man who had been like a father to him for over half his life now._

_Only then did his sensei look back, blue eyes soft and sad. "Promise me that you will get stronger, and follow in my footsteps. Protect this village, Kakashi. Hold on to it tight with both hands and get strong enough to protect her from the greater dangers I know lie ahead. Can you do that for me, Kakashi?"_

"_I…" Kakashi's grip faltered just slightly. "I don't think…"_

_His sensei was suddenly no longer standing in front of him. Instead a voice whispered behind him, "I know you can do it, Kakashi-kun, and I'm putting the village in your capable hands. Never forget that I'm proud of you, Kakashi. Never forget."_

_Sudden pain in his neck, and everything had gone dark. When he'd woken up, still dressed in ANBU uniform, the battle had been over. He hadn't needed to go check; he knew his sensei was gone._

"Trust me with the village?" Kakashi whispered to the grey light around him. He was leaning totally on the building now, hands clenched on his thighs. Something wet was falling and splashing off the metal guards, but the Jounin couldn't seem to figure out what it was. "How could I protect the village when I can't even protect my most precious person…"

A hundred Iruka smiles from any number of days flashed through Kakashi's mind in an instant. He hadn't seen this coming. Unlike his father, there had been no oppressive sadness, or drop in skills. Up until the day he left, Iruka had seemed happy. Kakashi had even entertained the morbid thought that he finally had someone who would cry at his own funeral, instead of the other way around.

Innumerable soft kisses, gentle touches…and he hadn't known. How could he claim to have loved the Chuunin more than anything and not even had a hint? Not helped? How could Iruka have said he loved him and still been so willing to leave him behind? How could they all?

"Tears," Kakashi finally concluded, looking at the water on his gloves. "I'm crying. So why do I still feel nothing?"


End file.
